Eulogy

If I'm going to offer my opinion on beer bars, I have to start with Eulogy. Eulogy is in my top five bars of all time (along with the Salty Dawg in Homer, AK; the Black Hose London Deli, formerly of San Francisco; The Tustemena in Kasilof, AK; and, well, I can't decide on another right now).

Lots of people will claim Monk's is the Beer Mecca of our fair city. They make a fair point. If you're going out to drink some good beers I'd say it's a toss up between Monk's and Eulogy. However, if you're going out for a good experience, Eulogy takes the cake.

As expected, Eulogy has the standard tome of a beer menu. It's frankly not as well organized as Monk's is, but that's fine by me. I'm hardly a novice who needs a glossary in my menu. What seperates the Eulogy from the rest of the fine bars in our city is a) they have almost everything listed on the menu on hand (a shortcoming of Monk's), plus some extras; and b) Dave.

Dave, who, on the offchance he sees this, will be totally freaked out by it, is a fine and upstanding bartender. Like many beer aficianados, I like to try new things as often as possible and when I look at the options a place like Eulogy offers, I get a little overwhelmed. So, rather than comb through what is basically a list of brands, types, abv, and prices (not too helpful) I simply tell Dave, "I'm in the mood for something x." That x can be "high abv," or "extra-hoppy," or more esoteric ("something that tastes like corn-on-the-cob" or "porcine") and Dave plops a brew in front of me and 8 times out of 10, it's exactly what I wanted. The other times, it's better than I wanted.

Now, you may have noticed I used the word "porcine" up there. I know what it means. Ask Dave for a "Pig Beer" and you will understand too. I'm going to leave it at that, because the experience is best when it's a surprise.

Eulogy is also great because of the clientele. Instead of the usual Olde City douchebaggery, you tend to get real people... mostly regulars when I swing by on Friday afternoon/evenings. It takes no time at all to become one of those regulars. Unless you're a dick. If you're a dick, go elsewhere. Becoming a regular means that Dave will be able to fine tune your beer selections for you. That's nice.

Food's good, too. Usual gastropub (more pub than gastro) kind of fare. Sandwiches, mussels, etc. Great fries. Thick slabs of potatoes, fried to crispy perfection, with the best dipping sauce ever.

Atmosphere is, well, who cares. It's a bar. It's dark and crowded, but it's pretty clean. Upstairs is cool, but I almost always stay downstairs. I wouldn't take my grandmother there (not my paternal grandmother at least... she's a total snob, but Grandma Smith would be all up on's... the old bitty loves a good bar), but, especially after the fascist nanny state banned smoking (!) I don't feel the need to shower after I leave.

OK, to sum up... there's lots of great beer bars in Philadelphia. That's why we're the best Beer City in the U. S. of A. (and World Phuckin' Champions, too). Of all of them, Eulogy is the best. Great selection. Knowledgable staff. Good food. Nice clientele. Not a biohazard. One of the few bars that I recommend without any hesitation whatsoever...